Sex & intimacy
A fulfilling sex life rarely happens automaticallySex is everywhere around us. That’s why we often assume that sexuality and intimacy should “just happen naturally.” But for many people, that’s far from the case.
Many men and women struggle with sex and intimacy. Usually in silence, because there’s a huge taboo around not having a fulfilling sex life.
Maybe sex has always felt like a “duty”, something you do for your partner, while you never really look forward to it yourself. Maybe during sex your mind is elsewhere: with the grocery list, a looming deadline, or other worries. Maybe pleasure feels scarce, yet there’s always that nagging sense that something is missing.
Or perhaps the pressure to “get it right” and to please your bed partner is so intense that you shut down and start avoiding sex altogether. Deep down, though, you long to reconnect with your sensuality, your vitality, and your passion.
You might be asking yourself: How can I enjoy sex again? How can I make my partner like sex more? What’s happening with my libido? How do I delay my orgasm? How can I orgasm at all? How do I let go of shame? How do I feel desire again after trauma?
The good news is: pleasure and intimacy can be (re)learned. You’re not “broken” or abnormal. Step by step, you can improve your sex life. The dynamic with your (bed)partner(s) is important, but change starts with you.
Why So Many People Struggle with Sexuality
We grow up with the myth that sex should just “happen naturally”, but no one teaches us how. We don’t get a guide for pleasure, desire, or communicating about sex. What we do get is shame, taboos, and too often experiences of sexual boundary violations or trauma.
Cultural Shame & Conditioning
Many of us were raised with messages about sex that were far from helpful: “Sex is sinful.” “Good girls don’t do that.” “Men always want it, women need to be persuaded.” “Vaginas are gross.” “If you’re not hard, you’re a loser.” “If she isn’t satisfied, it’s your failure.” These messages run deep. Even if you know logically that they aren’t true, your body still reacts. You might feel tension, shame, shutdown, without even realizing why.
Lack of Education
We learn about reproduction, maybe contraception. But what about pleasure? About consent? About how to communicate what you want? About getting to know your own body? These things rarely get taught. The result: many people don’t understand how their own body works, let alone how to experience pleasure or communicate about it with a partner.
Trauma
Sexual trauma is sadly common, for women and men alike. But relational trauma (unsafe relationships), medical trauma (invasive procedures or exams), or developmental trauma (emotional neglect) can also affect sexuality. Trauma gets stuck in the body. It can make you shut down, freeze during sex, or dissociate. No “sex technique” alone can fix this, it requires addressing the root causes.
Disconnection from the Body
Many people live primarily in their head. They hardly feel their body, or only notice it when something hurts. Pleasure requires presence in the body, and that’s often missing. This disconnection can result from stress, trauma, pressures from yourself or your partner, or simply never having learned how to feel. The result is suboptimal sex: mechanical, boring, repetitive, sometimes even painful. Or maybe you feel nothing at all.
Partner Dynamics
Many sexual problems are actually relationship problems. Miscommunication, unspoken expectations, a lack of attunement. Differences in libido are very common – how do you navigate that? Even when there’s a lot going on in the relationship, you can still start by working on yourself.
Medical Factors
Pain during sex (often related to challenges in the pelvic area), hormonal shifts (postpartum, menopause), medications that affect libido, these can all play a role, usually alongside emotional and relational factors.
In short
It’s rarely just one thing. Usually, it’s a complex interplay of factors. And that’s why working on multiple levels is needed to make lasting change possible.
Common challenges
Do any of these feel familiar to you?
-
Low libido / no desire for sex
No interest or excitement. Sex feels like a chore or something you just “have to do,” not something you look forward to. Often linked to stress, trauma, or years of disconnection. -
Pain during sex
If sex is painful, your body naturally shuts down. You may experience dyspareunia, vulvodynia, vaginismus, or pelvic tension. -
Problems with orgasm
Trouble reaching orgasm, or not at all. Or perhaps reaching orgasm too quickly for your liking. Often connected to tension, shame, or fear of letting go. -
Performance anxiety
Pressure to “do it right.” For men, this can lead to erectile issues or premature ejaculation. For women, it can show up as hesitating to ask for what you want, or “faking it” just to get it over with. -
Shame around your body or desires
Feeling ashamed of how you look, what turns you on, or what you want. This can make it hard to fully be present during sex.
-
Avoiding intimacy
Fear of closeness, touch, or vulnerability. Casual sex might feel manageable, but true intimacy -being seen, feeling deeply- can feel too scary. -
Sex after sexual trauma
Freezing or getting flashbacks during sex, dissociating (checking out), or avoiding sex altogether. Learning to enjoy sex again can be quite a journey. -
Differences in libido with your partner
You want more, your partner wants less, or vice versa. Frustration, rejection, guilt. Usually it’s not about who’s “right,” but about miscommunication and disconnection. -
Sex after major life events
After childbirth, during menopause, after illness or surgery, or following a breakup. Your body or life has changed, and your sexuality needs to be rediscovered. -
Not knowing what you want
You’ve never really learned what turns you on, what feels good, or how to communicate it. You respond to what your partner wants, but don’t know your own desires.
How I work
I work from embodied sexuality – not just techniques or “tips,” but the healing and awakening of your sexual self through your body. Sexuality isn’t a performance; it’s an expression of life force, connection, and pleasure.
A sex-positive approach, without judgment
There is no judgment here. No “normal” or “abnormal.” What you feel, want, or don’t want is welcome. We work from curiosity and self-compassion, not from “fixing” or performing.
Whether you’re struggling with low libido, shame, trauma, erectile difficulties, or simply want to learn how pleasure works – you’re welcome exactly as you are.
Trauma-informed, with attention to your nervous system
Many sexual challenges originate in trauma, but chronic stress is also a major barrier to pleasure. I’m trained in Somatic Experiencing®, a world-renowned method for working with trauma and chronic stress. This means I know how to work safely with trauma without retraumatization, help regulate the nervous system, and gently reconnect you with parts of yourself that have gone offline.
Body-centered: from head to body
There’s a lot to learn about how arousal and pleasure actually work. Thankfully, good conversations absolutely help, and we will have those. But we don’t only talk. Desire and pleasure live in your body, not your mind. That’s why we work with the body: breath, movement, body sensations, and sensuality. You learn to feel and experience instead of think, to be present instead of analyzing, to let go instead of controlling.
Solo work first
Better sex always starts with yourself. Before you can communicate and attune with a partner, you first need to know: What do I feel? What do I want? Where is tension, and where is pleasure?
That’s why we often start with solo work: exploring your body, pleasure mapping, releasing shame, cultivating desire. When you’re ready, we expand into partnered work: communication, attunement, and shared exercises.
Your partner is welcome too
I’m not a couples therapist and don’t work with couples directly. But while you’re exploring your own sexual self, your partner is welcome to join in for a session. Together, we can focus on communication, attunement, and creating safe intimacy between you.
Integration with pelvic care
If pain during sex or tension in the pelvic area are a factor, we can integrate pelvic care into the sessions. When sex is a challenge, it often intertwines with pelvic tension, trauma, or disconnection. Working on both simultaneously addresses multiple layers at once.
Holistic sexuality & tantra
My toolbox is broad: from modern sexological methods to (neo)tantra, Wheel of Consent, Somatic Experiencing, mindfulness in sex, self-exploration, and sensual or erotic bodywork for yourself. Not a rigid method, but a tailored toolbox designed applied to your needs.
Not about performance, but connection
Ultimately, this work isn’t about “better orgasms” or “more sex.” The goal is more connection with yourself, more freedom, and above all: more pleasure. Everything else follows naturally.
What we’ll work on
Depending on your situation and goals, we may focus on:
Your sexual “script”
Many people follow an unconscious sexual script: automatic patterns for how sex begins, unfolds, and ends. In sessions, we make this script visible: what still works, and what doesn’t. No judgment, just curiosity. Step by step, you can adjust it to fit what truly feels right for you.
Body awareness & sensation
Learning to feel your body. Where is tension, and when does it appear? Where is pleasure, even if it feels like you’re “not in the mood” anywhere? How does desire feel? We often start with fundamental exercises to reconnect with your body.
Releasing shame
Shame lives in both mind and body. We gently explore it, talking about it (which is often already liberating!) and recognizing, feeling, and creating space for it rather than hiding it.
Cultivating desire
Desire is only partially in the mind; it’s felt in the body when you feel safe enough to tune in. We create space for desire to be invited, without forcing it.
Self-exploration: practicing with yourself
Exercises you do on your own to explore your sexuality. This can include discovering what brings you pleasure, deepening bodily sensation, practicing sexual stamina, and connecting with your sexual energy.
Communication
Learning to ask for what you want, set boundaries, and give feedback. For many, this feels scary or unfamiliar, but it’s essential for more fulfilling sex.
Boundaries & consent
Feeling your “yes,” “no,” and “maybe” in your body. Embodied consent means not just saying “yes” with your mind, but truly sensing it in your body.
Practicing with your partner
You’ll learn to bring what you discover in sessions into your sex life. I provide exercises tailored to your new script: for better attunement, more pleasure, deeper intimacy, and safe experimentation in the bedroom.
Processing sexual trauma
If trauma is part of your story, sex may feel especially challenging. We work trauma-sensitively, at your pace, with consent and safety as the foundation. You’ll learn to manage triggers, regain agency and choice, set boundaries, and gradually rediscover pleasure and intimacy.
Boundaries & ethics
Intimacy coaching is about your sexual well-being, but it is not sex.
It’s education, guidance, and healing. Here are the clear boundaries:
No sexual contact, no nudity
There is never any sexual contact between me and my clients. All exercises in our sessions can be done fully clothed. Sexually explicit or erotic exercises are done at home, not during our sessions.
Privacy & confidentiality
Everything you share stays between us. I never share details with others, except in anonymized supervision sessions, and only with your explicit permission.
I am an intimacy coach, not a sexologist
A sexologist is usually a licensed psychologist or medical doctor with a specialization in clinical sexual issues. They work medically or psychologically, perform diagnostics, and may prescribe medication for clinical sexual problems or disorders.
As an intimacy coach, my approach is practical, body-oriented, and educational. I help you reconnect with your body, improve intimacy, and enhance your sexual agency. This creates more space for satisfying, embodied sex, even in the presence of stress, shame, trauma, or pelvic tension.
These boundaries protect both you and me.
They make this work safe, effective, and ethical.
What you can expect
The first session: space, calm, and a thorough intake
Our first session lasts 2 hours. We take the time to land and settle, as you may be a bit nervous to start working on this topic. I want to hear your story: your history with sexuality, what you want to change, and your concerns. Is chronic stress or trauma involved? Is there tension in your pelvic area?
We also discuss expectations, boundaries, and how we’ll work together. We explore how much time and effort you want to invest between sessions. Transparency and safety are key.
In this extended first session, we also start working on what brought you here. That might mean diving into the deeper layers of the issue, beginning to unravel your sexual script, or starting exercises to reconnect with your body.
Follow-up sessions: exploration, practice, and deepening
Follow-up sessions last 1.5 hours. There’s no rush when it comes to intimate topics. We take time to relax, settle into your body, and work on your next steps.
We combine conversation and self-exploration with education and body-based exercises. We talk about what’s coming up for you, and we’ll make space for working with the body.
This can include non-sexual touch exercises, breathwork, body scanning, exploring sensations, movement, voice dialogue, parts work, and other forms of body-oriented work, all aimed at embodiment.
Online or in person
Intimacy coaching can be done face-to-face or online. Live sessions are available in Arnhem, which can be preferable if you want the energy of physical presence.
For some, online feels safer: you’re in your own space, which can make vulnerability easier. It can also be easier to practice exercises without feeling self-conscious.
Not sure what you want yet? You can start with a face-to-face session and then decide what format works best for you.
Between sessions
You’ll receive exercises to do at home. No overwhelming “homework,” but small, focused practices to anchor what we work on in sessions. This can include self-exploration or self-touch, breathwork, bodywork, journaling, or partner communication exercises.
I’m a fan of the “tiny habits” philosophy: better 5 minutes a day than 1 hour once a week. Small, consistent, achievable.
You don’t need to be “fixed”
I want you to remember that you are not broken, so no one is here to “fix” you. We explore together. I guide the path, but you are the expert in your own body. I help you rediscover your body’s wisdom, whether that includes trauma work or pelvic care alongside intimacy coaching.
Frequently asked questions
What’s the difference between your work and that of a sexologist?
A sexologist is either a medical doctor or a psycholigist, further trained in human sexuality. This means sexologists usually work from a medical or psychological perspective and focuses on diagnosing and treating sexual disorders. As an intimacy coach, I don’t work with diagnoses or fixed treatment protocols.
My approach is body-oriented (embodiment-based). I guide you toward greater body awareness, safety, desire, consent, and pleasure. We don’t focus on “fixing disorders,” but on reconnecting with yourself and creating space for more ease, pleasure, and enjoyment in your sexuality.
Can this work be done online?
Yes, online sessions are actually very effective for this work. For some people, being in your own familiar space can make it easier to feel safe when discussing such vulnerable topics.
Is there sex or nudity during sessions?
No. There is never any sexual contact between us and no nudity during intimacy coaching sessions.
Any sexually explicit exercises are done by you, on your own body and in your own home. All exercises during sessions can be done fully clothed.
I guide and support you, but I never touch you in a sexual way. If you are looking for sex therapy or intimacy coaching that involves sexual touch, I’m not the right person for you.
What if I feel a lot of shame?
That’s very normal. Shame around sexuality is extremely common, almost everyone carries it to some degree. Releasing shame is actually part of the work, and we do this gently, at your pace. There is no judgment and no pressure. You only share what you feel comfortable sharing.
Having said that, talking about sex and what you’re experiencing or struggling with is often deeply relieving. Many people notice that it already becomes easier during the first session, and eventually even feels freeing.
What if I’ve experienced sexual trauma?
Sex and intimacy are often more challenging after sexual trauma. In that case, it’s important to work with someone who is thoroughly trained in trauma-informed care.
The trauma-sensitive approach I offer is well suited for this. We work step by step, with the principles of Somatic Experiencing® woven into the sessions. We move carefully, at your pace, without overwhelming your nervous system.
What if I also experience pelvic complaints?
Pelvic issues such as pain during sex, pelvic floor tension, or chronic pelvic pain, often have a significant impact on your sex life. Addressing these issues can be an important step toward feeling freer and more at ease in your body and sexuality.
In a free introductory call we can explore what makes most sense for you: intimacy coaching, pelvic therapy, or a combination of both.
Do you work with men and women?
Intimacy coaching is for all genders. Men, women, and non-binary people are all welcome.
Do you work with LGBTQ+ clients or people in non-monogamous relationships?
Absolutely. All identities, sexual orientations, and people in all relationship forms are welcome.
How many sessions will I need?
That’s an understandable question, and not always an easy one to answer. The number of sessions depends on how long you’ve been dealing with the issue, and whether trauma, chronic stress or pelvic issues play a role. Some challenges shift relatively quickly; others require more time.
This work isn’t a quick fix, it’s aimed at lasting change rather than symptom suppression. In a free discovery call we can discuss your situation and set realistic expectations together.
Are these sessions reimbursed by insurance?
No, my sessions are not covered by basic or supplementary health insurance. Some employers reimburse sessions through a wellness or vitality budget. You’re welcome to check this with your employer.
Client experiences
More pleasure and lightness in the bedroom
“I’ve been with my partner for 25 years. Whenever there was an opportunity for intimacy, I would immediately go into my head and get stuck in excuses. My wish was to learn how to enjoy intimacy carefree, with both head and heart.
Through mutual connections I found Elisabeth. What a wonderful energy she has. With her, you truly feel heard and seen. Her approach is loving, positive, and practical. Through meditation and hands-on exercises, she taught me how to bring head and heart together, and how to dare to express my needs and desires.
As a result, our intimate life has become much more pleasurable and light. I no longer feel pressure or guilt, I’m much more open to conversation, and I dare to express my boundaries and wishes more clearly.”
— J., 49 years old
No longer afraid of sex
“I came to Elisabeth with vaginism. I had actually become afraid of sex because I assumed pain was just part of it. That’s no longer the case now! Through our conversations and the exercises, I learned to relax more. I now know that I get to choose what I do and don’t want. And I have a much clearer sense of what I actually enjoy.
I am incredibly grateful to Elisabeth for her gentle and clear guidance, and I would recommend her to anyone.”
— Rianne, 19 years old
I finally feel desire again
“I thought my low libido was ‘just how I am.’ Through the work with Elisabeth, I discovered that it wasn’t about libido at all, but about old pain and a lack of connection with my body. Now, after our work together, I finally feel desire again. Incredible.”
— S., 42 years old
My wife is very happy with the results too
“For years I struggled with stress around sex due to reduced erections and ejaculating too quickly. As a man, I wasn’t used to talking about these kinds of issues at all, so starting this work was a big step. I’m very glad I decided to give it a go.
I learned so much from Elisabeth, like how stress affects my ‘functioning’ and how I was constantly in my head during sex. The conversations and exercises opened my eyes in ways I didn’t expect. Now I know how to stay connected to my body, enjoy sensations, and trust my body again.
I no longer need to worry about my erections and that’s made a huge diffrence. My wife is also very happy with the results.”
— K.,51 years old
Related services
Sex and trauma or chronic stress
Are you constantly “on” or have you experienced trauma? Many sexual difficulties are rooted in trauma or chronic stress.
Sexuality & the pelvis
Pain during or after sex? This is often related to tension in the pelvic area. Discover how pelvic care can help you.
How I work
Curious about all my services, how I work, and which approach might suit you best? Explore a complete overview of my practice, from trauma healing to pelvic care and intimacy coaching.