Sex after trauma
Sex after trauma often doesn't come easily
After trauma, sex can feel disconnected or even impossible. It may seem like you’ll never experience pleasure again, and the thought of being sexually broken forever can feel overwhelming.
Trauma at a young age can prevent healthy sexual development. If your trauma occurred during childhood, you may have never learned to develop a healthy relationship with sex or to trust your body’s natural responses.
Trauma later in life can make sex feel impossible to enjoy. For those who experienced trauma in adulthood, it might now feel like you’ll never enjoy sex the same way again. The connection you once had with your body may feel lost, and sexual pleasure can seem out of reach.
Frozen or numb sensations in your body and pelvis: If you’ve experienced trauma, you may feel physically disconnected or numb, particularly in the pelvic area. This can result in a long stretch without experiencing any sexual pleasure or connection.
Struggling with trust and boundaries: Trust and boundaries can feel like major obstacles after trauma. You might feel ‘boundaryless’ from never having learned how to say ‘no,’ or your boundaries could be so rigid that no one can get close to you anymore.
Frequent triggers make it hard to relax and enjoy intimacy: Being triggered frequently may leave you feeling disconnected and unsure about how to enjoy intimacy or feel carefree again. The trauma response may prevent you from relaxing and embracing pleasure fully.
Sex after trauma can be a significant challenge. It may feel as though things will never be right again, and that you're forever broken sexually. I guide you through safe, effective steps toward healing and reclaiming your sexuality, supported by my solid trauma-informed training.
Book a callHow to make sex fun again after trauma
Sexual trauma is a sensitive and complex issue that is often shrouded in pain, shame, and silence. Despite its widespread impact, it remains one of the least discussed topics, affecting tens of millions of people worldwide, the majority of whom are women, though many men are victims as well. This form of trauma can profoundly affect our sexuality, leaving individuals feeling disconnected from their bodies, their desires, and their ability to enjoy intimate experiences.
In addition to sexual trauma, other forms of trauma, such as medical trauma or obstetric violence (e.g., traumatic birth experiences or invasive medical exams), can also deeply impact our sexual health and well-being. These experiences may result in similar emotional and physical consequences, complicating one’s relationship with sex.
For those who have experienced trauma, traditional sex education or generic sexuality programs often fall short. The best approach involves a trauma-informed, gentle, and patient process, built on safety, healing, and slowly reintroducing physical pleasure at your own pace.
“Once you start approaching your body with curiosity rather than with fear, everything shifts.” – Bessel van der Kolk.
I offer a tailored program designed to help you navigate your unique healing journey. Depending on where you are in your recovery process, we may integrate techniques from body-oriented trauma therapy (such as Somatic Experiencing) and intimacy coaching. If physical touch is an issue for you, hands-on therapies like trauma-focused massage, pelvic therapy, or pelvic massage can also be beneficial.
In a personal consultation, we can explore the most effective approach for your healing and create a plan that best supports your needs. Take the first step toward reclaiming your sexual vitality, safety, and joy.
Trauma healing with Somatic Experiencing
The journey of healing after sexual trauma can be long and challenging, but you don’t have to face it alone. Through a personalized 1:1 guidance program, I’ll support you every step of the way, helping you gradually feel safer and more grounded in your body as you reclaim your sense of wholeness.
Together, we’ll explore physical sensations, emotional experiences, images, posture, and body movements, all in the context of what’s happening in your life. Using techniques from Somatic Experiencing, mindfulness, breathing exercises, and body-oriented coaching, you’ll gradually learn to tap into the wisdom of your body.
Our work will include both traditional settings (you and I seated together) and a variety of exercises within the space. When appropriate, and only if you’re comfortable, we may incorporate touch exercises. If needed, this may be done on the treatment table, but it’s always done with your consent and is never a requirement.
Gentle, trauma informed bodywork
Sometimes, hands-on bodywork is the most effective way to reconnect with your body and release trauma that’s stored there. This is especially true for pelvic and sexual trauma, but also when you’re so consumed by thoughts that it feels impossible to feel anything in your body. Additionally, if you’ve developed an aversion or fear of touch as a result of past trauma, bodywork can provide a gentle and supportive path to healing.
To support this process, I offer various forms of bodywork and touch work which integrate the principles of Somatic Experiencing, such as trauma-sensitive pelvic therapy (Integral Pelvic Therapy) and Somatic Experiencing touch work.
In these sessions, we primarily work on a treatment table, where touch plays a key role in exploring and releasing trauma that may be held in the body. We always work at your pace, with touch that is guided by your mind, heart, and body’s readiness, ensuring that you feel safe and supported throughout the process.
What can be accomplished through this work?
Experience Safety in Your Body: Learn tools for body connection and self-regulation to cultivate safety, grounding, and inner calm—key for healing sexual trauma and emotional triggers.
Deep understanding of your nervous system and your trauma related responses, based on polyvagal theory and the work of Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing).
Move from Head to Body: Break free from overthinking and reconnect with your vitality and sensuality, allowing you to experience the joy of physical pleasure without mental distractions.
Identify Boundaries and Desires: Understand your body’s boundaries and desires regarding intimacy. Learn practical techniques to navigate triggers, flashbacks, and emotional reactions with confidence and self-compassion.
Reprogram for Pleasure: Step by step, reprogram your system toward pleasure by integrating sensuality into your daily life. Explore how to reconnect with your body’s pleasure signals at your own pace, building a deeper sense of intimacy.
Reconnect with Your Pelvis: Cultivate a soft connection with your pelvis as your sexual center. Learn gentle ways to release stored trauma from your pelvis in the comfort of your own home, including self-dearmouring techniques or using tools like the jade egg.
Supplement with Bodywork: If desired, enhance your healing journey with bodywork that focuses on learning to experience safe touch, building trust and comfort with intimacy.